How many kids do you want?

I was thinking back yesterday on how at the age Zane is now, I was pregnant with my second. Hayley was exactly 21 months, when I found out I was pregnant with Zane. Now, it is time to decide if I want a third! I know we have some time to decide, and I am no where near ready to get pregnant again, but I really feel I should decide if, not necessarily when, a third will come into the picture.

In an ideal world, I always said I wanted three children. I come from one of two children and my husband comes from three. Ironically, he is done with children in his world. I know he will be supportive if we decide to have a third and will be the same amazing father he is to Hayley and Zane, but I do know that he would be done, if it was not for me. This is where the decision gets hard- Is a third child what we both want?DSC08636

We have gone through some rough times with both children. When Hayley was a baby, she was extremely tough- colic to the nth degree. I ended up suffering with PPD for the first year of her life, probably because I was dealing with a baby who was never happy. It was an extremely tough time in our life and no one in the family slept a full night of sleep for at least a year. After she got better, I found out I was pregnant with Zane. I was nervous beyond belief but much to all our relief, he was an exceptionally easy baby! However, the past year of his life, he has definitely been a handful! A typical boy…Is what I hear to describe him!  I am so blessed to have healthy children, but I will say that some days, I want to rip my hair out with both of them! I think all moms/dads feel this at one point or another though.

While two years ago, I was 100% sure I wanted a third, now I am about 80 % sure. There is also a very big twin component in my family, so there is always the chance that Baby 3 and 4 will end up coming:)  My  question, to all of you is how do you know when you were officially done?  Did you always envision yourself having a certain amount of children and have you stuck to that plan? Do both of you agree how many children you want? I would love to hear what you all have to say!


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  1. says

    I really can’t explain what made us know we wanted three! We had our boy and our girl, but we just didn’t feel that our family was complete, so I quit taking birth control and we weren’t “trying,” but we weren’t preventing either and we decided if we got pregnant, we’d have a third baby, and it’d be meant to be! Needless to say, we had a third! :) After the third, we just felt complete, like our family was whole, and I got my tubes tied :) Good luck making your decision!

  2. says

    I have no children and at 62 will not be having any-but I really think that it should be a joint decision –having a baby is a lifelong commitment and in this day and age an expensive one!! Your husband may be thinking along those lines–talk it over with him-see why he feels the way he does–then do what is best for both of you!

  3. says

    I would like to have a third. I want my daughter to have a sibling closer to her age since there are 11 years between her and her brother. I’m hoping that we can afford it.

  4. Melissa at filling our bucket says

    We thought we wanted 2. My entire pregnancy we said we would have a second. After B was born, my husband said he was done, but I was not comfortable with that for over a year. Now, I can’t imagine our family with another child. It is shocking, because as an only myself, I never expected to have only one child. But I just love our family of 3, and seriously don’t see another baby in our future. IfI got pregnant, of course we would be thrilled (after the shock!!!), but we won’t plan on another baby. :)

  5. says

    I’m having some issues deciding “how many” as well. I’ve always wanted a big family. My husband and I are both only children, so our children wont have aunts, uncles or cousins :( I wanted three (or 5 lol) But now that we have one, I’m questioning it. My Labor was really traumatic for me, she had SEVERE reflux, I had PPD/Anxiety, I’m still not “me” And she’s just so perfect, I can’t imagine loving a 2nd as much as I love her. I guess we’ll see what happens, we wouldn’t be trying til the end of the year anyway….there’s time.
    Best wishes in your decision!

  6. says

    We are pregnant w/ our 5th and that’s it for us. I am 39 years old and this will be my 6th pregnancy & 5th c-section I do not want to put my body under anymore than it already has. I am happy we have 3 boys and now we will have 2 girls. A family of 7 is big enough for me!

  7. says

    Gary and I both always wanted four. Then we had Dominic and only wanted one. (hard pregnancy, difficult time in my life as well) Then we got married and decided to have Logan. (which Gary said, yes lets do this again! while still in the hospital, Crazy man. I KNOW!) Then we found out when Logan was 10.5 months old that I was pregnant again and we decided that 3 was enough !!

  8. Marianne says

    My husband and I have 2 girls (2.5 and 5.5).

    He seems to think he would like 2 more (specifically boys, LOL — good luck with that).

    I think I’d like a 3rd, no gender preference. Whatever pops out is fine :)

    I am 29, he is 30. Not a huge rush to decide.

  9. lily says

    Really horrible pregnancy cured me from wanting a third. My 2nd was a very tough baby but that wouldn’t stop me, it’s only a year or two in the grand scheme of things. We also travel a lot and everything seems pre-made for families of four. Not sure how much of my life I want to drastically change to have one more kid when we already have two and are doing ok. I have two friends who have literally said they regret having a third, even though they love them. Sounds awful but they’re good mothers, just overwhelmed!

  10. says

    We had a plan for 4 when we first got married. Averi, our first, was a tough baby for 5 months. Super colic, acid reflux, and i had PPD for about 4 1/2 months, so it wasn’t easy at first. Then, she rounded 6 months and became the easiest baby. By the time she was 11 months old, I was pregnant again with #2 (we also always wanted them close in age). When Lily was born, I knew our family wasn’t complete. When LIly was 10 months old, I got pregnant with Charlotte. ONce that sweet little child was born, we just knew that our family was finally complete. And we still feel that way. It’s just a feeling that you know when you’re done. And you do have that feeling each time you’re pregnant, “how do i possibly love another child the same again?” and it’s absolutely amazing how big your heart can open. Now, I cannot imagine my life without Charlotte and I can’t image all three of them not having each other to be with for the rest of their lives. We’ve also always wanted a big family so that years from now. we’ll have a full house at holidays, events. weekly dinners. etc (even when they’re older and out of the house). And If I didn’t have to go through a whole pregnancy and first year of life, I’d have a 4th in a heartbeat. But I am most definitely “complete” with my three girls.:)

  11. says

    we actually in this dilemma right now….sometimes Brad says yes to another and sometimes he is content w just Breanna…but I would love to have another…so we shall see, if in 3-4 years its not 100% from both, I think we will only have one.

  12. Amber Edwards says

    We are struggling with this dilemma too! When we first got married I thought 4 was a good number. HE thought 5 was a good number. Now we have three..and I’m SO not ready to have another baby. My pregnancies are really hard. But the Hubby really wants another one. He’s been wanting a new one for 2 years now. I keep putting him off. I thought once my daughter was three, I’d have a better idea if I was ready for another one or not. But I’m still just as undecided as ever, and definitely have not forgotten how horrible the pregnancies are so I haven’t been able to be talked into having another one. But I also haven’t felt like we are finished either. Such a difficult decision to make.

  13. says

    We just had our 4th and I cannot say if we are done or not. I would like a 5th….I think. However, my husband and I have always been on the same page so if he is adamantly against a 5th then I think I would go with that.

  14. says

    My husband was from a family of 4 kids, I was from 2. I wanted 2 he wanted 4, we compromised and had 3. I knew right away I didn’t want a 4th, I’m ready for the next stage in our life…no formula or diapers!! Although I miss the baby stage, I don’t want to start it again.

  15. says

    SO DONE!! 2 is perfect, they will never outnumber us!! lol Maybe when Jude is 6 or 7 we will change our minds…who knows but for now…BABY SHOP IS CLOSED!! ;)

  16. says

    Its funny, I wrote about this awhile back. Our magic number is definitely two. We have one boy, one girl, both are happy and healthy and it just feels like our family is complete. Luckily I have a younger sister just starting her family so I can get my baby time with my little niece :)

  17. says

    Well since we are on to #2 our family is increasing. I am an only child and already feel lucky to be giving G a brother or sister. TJ is one of three. I like three for some reason so we will see!

  18. says

    We have always said we want a big family, and so far we both still do! I just know our family isn’t complete yet. We’ve agreed on 4, and even tossed around the idea of 5! We’ll see what happens though, after number 3. I think that if you aren’t 100% sure you’re done then it’s good to leave it open to the possibility of a 3rd. Eventually you might get stronger feelings on it one way or the other. Good luck with your decision! I know this is something you and I have discussed at length in the past :)

  19. says

    I want 3, 4, 5+ children, but I think I’m going to have 2, maybe 3, and have come to accept that I may be only the mother of 1. My husband and I have been trying for baby #2 for almost 2 years with no luck. I suffer with depression anyway so having a baby almost sent me in a tailspin, but now that my boy is almost 5…I am more than ready for the next one. Although, I have to admit it is a little frightening because he WAS so easy..and the next one is sure to be difficult! :)

  20. Sonya Morris says

    With two kids, I felt our family was complete but my husband really wanted another one. I told him that if I had one more it would have to be twins, or I would have a forth baby very soon afterwards because of the age difference in our older girls. My kids are now 16, 13 and 2. I am finally pregnant with baby #4 at age 40 and I feel very blessed. I think the turning point for me was the realization that I would not regret having more children but I would only regret NOT having them. Best wishes! :)

  21. Kristy says

    First I just want to say that both of your children are so adorable! I feel like when I was growing up before hitting age 21 I have always dreamed of having 5 children before I turned 30. Not sure why I want 5 but I grew up in a family with 4 kids so I must want to have more then my parents! I’m currently 29 and will be 30 at the end of this year and I have 1 child who is 1 year old and I’m a single parent. I do have a boy friend who is wonderful and I love him dearly but we have only been dating for about 6 months. We plan to get married by the end of this year and continue our family next year with our first child and my son’s first sibling. I think that since I’m older and I don’t have what I thought I would by now that I would be happy with 3 children but I still hope to fulfill my dream of 5. My boyfriend is on board with whatever happens so that makes it easier for us!

  22. says

    I originally wanted 2, 4, or 6 (yep, I was crazy) – but I knew I did not want 1, 3, or 5 – something with odd numbers I guess. I have my two, and quite frankly, I’m not sure I’m done but my husband is done. We live a pretty crazy life and I’m not sure we can manage another one but should it happen, we’d make it work. I am scared of having a “3rd” child – just for the whole middle child syndrom. I’m interested to go back and read the comments because I’m curious to know if people really do know when they are done having kids.
    I guess long story short – if I knew that my 3rd was a boy, or twins, I’d be more likely to get preggo. And it’s not that I wouldn’t love a little girl, but it would allow my daughter something special other than being the middle child if she was the only daughter.

  23. says

    Great question! Growing up, I wanted a big family. I wanted 6 kids. Then, when I got pregnant, that all changed. Ha ha! I didn’t want to have just one child, but then after Baby C’s illness, I questioned having more. Now, my husband and I agree on having one more, but we are going to wait until Baby C is 3 (if that’s God’s plan).

  24. says

    We are pretty much in the same boat. I have always wanted a large family, but that’s just not possible on a teacher’s salary. In recent years I’ve had the number 3 stuck in my head but twins run in both my family and Brandon’s and that has me very nervous! Everyone in his family has 4. His mom is one of 4, he is 1 of 4 and all 3 of his sibblings had 4. The one brother that only wanted 3, had twins and unintentionally ended up with 4. We shall see….

  25. Jessica says

    I have a much older son from a previous relationship so when I married my husband almost 6 years ago I knew I wanted more children. I had agreed to 3…two more and he agreed to 3…as in 3 more! :) We had two boys very close together (15 months apart) and took a break. I agreed to try for a 4th when my youngest son was turning 2. After a year plus of trying and miscarrying twins I made the decision that I just couldn’t do it anymore and decided that if I wasn’t pregnant by the end of the year that would be it. Low and behold I got pregnant in November and we are expecting our 4th in August. Guess my Dad decided I wasn’t done just yet…he passed away 6 years ago and this little bambino is due on his birthday! :) Good luck with your decision!

  26. Jennifer Clay says

    I just had my third child on Saturday. A little boy. I have two little girls and now a little boy. When I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter, Haley was a year old. They ended up being 18 months apart. Now my son is 3 days old and there is a 6 year difference between him and my oldest daughter. I say, if you feel like you want another child and you are able, go for it!

  27. says

    I planned two and ended up with four. IT’s a funny story, but bottom line is I ended up pregnant with #3 not long after giving birth to number 2 (and on BC) and they are 14 months apart. DH #1 got a Vasectomy and after we divorced and I was with DH #2 I was on BC again and viola! Baby number 4 five years after I was done having babies! These are the best surprises I ever got in my life and I am so thankful for my last two children. The real difference in our life is finances. We just can’t do all the fun things we used to do with just two kids. My husband and I are cool with that, but cost should definitely be considered, along with the extra time caring for a totally dependent person for the next five years (and then after school hours. If you both are excited about the thought of another go for it! I would say if one has reservations, then I would think long and hard before having another. Either way, I will be excited if you have another, cause I love all the great pics!

  28. says

    Hi Melissa! I know you have been struggling with this decision for a while now. If it helps you, I came to the decision of a third baby by telling myself that I will only get this chance once, the window won’t always be open for the opportunity. As the saying goes – you only live once – so I think do what you feel strongest about, Sonya above wrote it perfectly, you won’t regret having another but you may regret not having one…You can go over and over it in your head and over-analyse everything and still get nowhere. Just remember there are no dress rehearsals for life, this is it…I still think of a fourth baby, I haven’t ruled it out :) Talk more to your husband about it and ask him what his reservations are…good luck! xoxo

  29. maria says

    I haven’t even had this baby yet, and though I know feelings can change, I can say right now that I feel I would 75% want three children. I think it’s great Greg is willing to try for a third if and when the time comes. I try not to get too ahead of myself because we are still “baking” the first :) but I can see where I will feel bery much like you in a few years. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide. You are an amazing mother!

    And omygoodness, that photo is so pretty!!

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