I Feel Some Serious Mom Guilt and Need Some Reassurance
Let me preface this by saying I love my Zane with all my heart. How can you not- look at him:
He is such a good boy- never giving me any trouble and just an all around loving boy. However, I have been having some serious mom guilt lately with the relationship we have. I guess I am posting for advice and to see if any one has ever gone through what I am feeling.
When I had Hayley, I joined a mom’s group and befriended six awesome moms who I am still friends with to this day. We still do regular playdates and we all have a great dynamic with each other. I made an effort to go out and meet new moms in the area. I was new to Rhode Island and I really knew no one. So, I signed up for every class, and off Hayley and I went. We did baby yoga, signing classes, mom and me gym, art class- you name it, we did it! Our schedule was just Hayley and I, and I loved the time we spent together.
However, when Zane was born, I didn’t feel the need to do any of these classes. Half of the reason, I did these classes, was for me to meet some friends. Selfish, perhaps- but it is true. When Zane came, I didn’t really want to mess up the great dynamic we had with Hayley’s playdates and honestly, I didn’t have the time to take Zane with me for one on one classes. I have to say I regret it now. I love Zane so much but I just don’t feel the same bond that I feel with Hayley. Is this normal- will this go away? I guess I need some advice because it makes me sad.
I know a huge part is I have a three year old in the picture who doesn’t really allow me to spend one on one time with Zane. I have to admit, that when she goes to school, I end up taking Zane with me to the babysitting at the Y or to my tennis center, because this is the only free time I end up having all day. By the time I am done with the gym, it is off to pick up Hayley again. So, I blame myself for not taking the time to do one on one time with Zane.
As I reflect today, I know I am not failing as a parent with Zane, but I do know, I can be doing more. I feel it is not fair to him. I know he is probably too young to realize the bonding time, but I know what I am doing is wrong. The other part of this equation is I just love spending time with Hayley. She is at such an incredibly fun age and loves to take in everything. I truly enjoy spending time with her at night and just doing mom and Hayley time. However, I know by doing this, I am taking away from Zane time that I could be having.
I guess what I am saying, is I don’t feel the special dynamic I do with Hayley. I know you should never compare kids but with Hayley, I used to sit with her and do sign language nightly. I used to sit with her and read books on the floor all day. I used to bring her to all these fun activities. With Zane, he doesn’t get much of anything. Today, I was trying to teach him sign and realized that it is probably too late. Okay, it is never too late but I just feel bad for not starting earlier. I didn’t make the effort I had with Hayley. I feel as if he is going to be one in three short weeks, and our life together hasn’t really started yet. If you have more than one child, have you ever felt like this? Does it get better? I really would love some reassurance…I thank you in advance!