Have you ever tried to listen in on what you’re kids are talking about, especially on sleep-overs when they pretend they’re going to sleep and you pretend you don’t know they’re staying up talking well into the night? It’s not nice to be a snoop, of course, but I have a memory and I know that when kids get into their bunkbeds, they talk about all kinds of crazy things. There’s usually a meaning attached to them as well. Well, some of the time, anyhow.
I know this, no matter how pretty your girls make sure their bedroom is and how sweet and lady like they seem, the souls of little monsters lurk. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Right now I’m remembering this one story I used to tell a friend of mine who was easily scared. It was about — and I’m almost embarrassed to mention this, it sounds so silly now — the Monster Pig from Outer Space. This was, I should add, no cute Piglet out of Winnie the Pooh or humorous Miss Piggy from the Muppets or harmless Porky from the old Warner Brothers cartoons, but a truly ugly and monstrous boar that, quite naturally, ate people. Considering that we eat pigs, I suppose, I guess I imagined that turn about is fair play. Something’s gotta pay the karmic debt for all that delicious bacon and ham.
Anyhow, my Monster Pig naturally had arrived in our home town and was devouring children our age right and left. Bunkbeds throughout the city we’re acting as serving platters for the ravenous Monster Pig from Outer Space. At this point, I would start to make little pig grunts, trying to sound as scary as possible.
Since I was pretty good at local geography, I thought I was able to make the story sound more convincing as the pig got closer and closer to our house. I really was trying to be as terrifying and gorily graphic as possible, but as I looked down at my supposedly easy to scare friend, she had fallen asleep. So much for my career as a horror writer. Kids actually do sleep in bunkbeds, at least some of the time.
*This is a partnered post.