Guest Post: Baby Etiquette- humor!

Hi I’m Candice aka The New Modern Momma. I’m a first time mom to a little girl, Gabriella who is now seventeen months. A wife of nearly six years to my college sweetheart. And cook and baker extraordinaire. I hope you enjoyed my post on “Baby Etiquette”. I have written four posts on the topic since I started blogging last year and I’m certain that there will be many more to come. Thank you to Melissa for having me over as guest while she is soaking up the hot sun and tropical breezes in Hawaii!

 

 

I just can’t resist writing these etiquette posts. It always gets me laughing and Gabriella is giving me inspiration on a daily basis. So here we go!
  1. When parent says, “time to change your diaper” run for the hills! I mean make a mad dash clear across the house and leave a mess of toys in your path to trip the person trying to catch you.
  2. Bad news: someone will catch you.  Good news: you can jolt your body, arch your back, and squeal to get back at that someone.
  3. When you are lowered onto the changing table, thrash yourself around until the diaper-changer person starts making funny faces.  Act like the distraction is working (calm down, smile), then go on thrashing.
  4. If a pee-pee diaper, try not to be as crazy.  That way, you get mama and dada’s guard down, so when it’s a poopie-doosie, you can “mess” them up with a wiggle-shake-turvy-turny move that lands you on your stomach.
  5. If given a toy as a distraction, toss on the ground and give it the “goodbye” wave.
  6. Pinch.  Always pinch.  If you’re lucky enough to get a bare arm, pinch even harder.  If dada is wearing a long-sleeve hoodie, grab the drawstring and hold him hostage until he has to call for back up.
  7. Slap, too.
  8. Diaper cream?  Treat it like a poopie-doosie (see # 4).
  9. Do crazy leg lifts to make diaper loose and crooked (also good for the abs and hammies).
  10. When getting a lift off the changing pad, refuse to “high-five” dada or laugh at mama’s silliness, unless mama’s really silly and dada’s not so weird for once.
*No photographs are taken during diaper changes due to harsh conditions.  

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